Seeing a familiar face can change the feel of a conversation. For many families, a regular video call becomes a fixed point in the week: a chance to see how someone is looking, share a cup of tea at a distance or hold the grandchildren’s latest drawings up to the camera. Getting there takes a little setting up, and some patience on both sides.
This guide is written for family members helping a mum, dad, grandparent or other older relative. If you are the one learning, you may find it useful too.
Start with what they already have
The best device is often the one your relative already owns and feels comfortable with. If they use a smartphone for texts or photos, that may be all they need. If not, a tablet is often easier for video calls, because the screen is larger and the buttons are easier to see.
Before buying anything, talk about what they would like from it. Some people are keen to learn everything; others would rather have one simple thing that works. Let them lead.
Choosing an app
Pick one app that the whole family will use, and stick with it. WhatsApp works on most smartphones and tablets and is widely used for family chats. FaceTime works between Apple devices such as iPhones and iPads. Switching between several apps can cause confusion.
Once the app is installed, make the people they call most easy to find. Many apps let you mark a contact as a favourite or pin a chat to the top of the list.
Make the screen and sound easier
Small changes can make a big difference, especially if someone’s eyesight or hearing has changed.
- Increase the text size and display size in the device settings.
- Turn the volume up and check the device is not set to silent.
- If they wear hearing aids, ask their audiologist whether the aids can connect directly to the phone or tablet.
- Use a stand or case that props the device up, so they do not have to hold it at arm’s length.
- Sit facing a window or lamp rather than with the light behind, so faces are easy to see at both ends.
Agree a regular time
A fixed time, such as Sunday afternoon or Wednesday after lunch, gives calls a rhythm. Your relative knows when to expect you and can have the device charged and close by. Short and regular often works better than long and occasional.
It can help to write the time somewhere easy to see, such as a calendar on the fridge.
Practise together first
If you can, do the first few calls in the same room, or with someone sitting alongside them. Practise answering, ending the call and turning the camera round. Then try a call from the next room and, once that feels comfortable, from your own home.
Written notes are often more helpful when they are in the person’s own words. Ask them to talk you through each step, and write it down the way they say it.
A tip for the notes. Keep written steps short, in large print, and focused on the two things that matter most: how to answer a call and how to end one. Everything else can come later.
When it goes wrong
At some point it will. The picture freezes, the sound drops or the call will not connect. Try to treat it as ordinary, because it is. These steps sort out many common problems:
- Check the device is connected to Wi-Fi or has a mobile signal.
- Check the volume, and that the microphone and camera have not been switched off in the app.
- End the call and try again.
- Turn the device off, wait a moment and turn it back on.
- If it still will not work, switch to an ordinary phone call and try video another day.
Agree in advance that if video will not work, you will simply switch to a phone call. That takes the pressure off everyone.
Patience and dignity
Learning something new can feel exposing, particularly when younger family members seem quick and confident. Try not to take the device out of their hands to fix things. Talk them through it instead, even if it takes longer, so the skill stays with them.
Avoid saying “it’s easy”. Hearing that can make someone feel worse when they get stuck. Notice progress, and remember that forgetting a step is normal when learning anything new.
Most of all, do not let the technology become the focus of every call. The point is the conversation.
If you would like some help
Not every family can be there in person to set things up, and some people prefer to learn from someone outside the family. A Digital Friends offers practical help with smartphones, tablets, messaging and video calling, alongside regular companionship calls and video calls. You can read more on our page for families, or refer someone once they have agreed.